I’m Interested … But

For those of you who do not know about my job, I’m a technical recruiter. I call IT consultants in the US for the available jobs that I have and that might fit their experience. My job is basically to search resumes on the web and call potential candidates to see if they fit the jobs we have.

One early Friday, my manager called me up and said: “Drop everything and work on this”.

So I dropped everything to work on a Data Entry job…ONE month contract with $10 per hour! Who in the world would want to take up a job for one month and with that low rate???

Anyways I start searching for resumes and calling people and …you know how people can get real sarcastic sometimes..like this British gentleman: “You have a job for me?? Oh I AM haaaaaappy”.

I tried to sound as polite as possible: “Well sir, you might be interested in my job. I will email you the job description if you are not interested you DON’T HAVE TO REPLY.”

British candidate: “Wait a second, where are you from ..cuz you sure do have an ACCENT”.

Me: “Well, I’m originally from Egypt”.

British candidate: “OKK , listen your majesty Cleopatra. You caught me in the middle of watching a football game. Now I’ll make a deal with you: if my team won, I promise to give you a call back. BUT if they lost and that’s what it looks like, I do not need a job, cuz I’ll be hunting down THOSE BLOODY IDIOTS WHO MADE THEM LOSE”.

And he hangs up on me.

I don’t give up. I call someone else, someone with the name Monique Francois. I go over her resume and see that she worked a job for only two weeks. I wanted to make sure she left on good terms.

“Hey Monique, what happened in that job. It’s only two weeks”.

Monique: “Yes, it’s the misteek of the manager”.

Me: “oh really, what happened, can you tell me”.

Monique: “Yes, he’s … mm what’s the word… yea NOT professionaaal. He would come to my cupicaal and I expect him to say something nice like Monique you look beautifooll, your perfume is nice. BUT HE DOESN’T. He stands there looking at my monitor, then looking at me and says: What is that?? This is not acceptable. Come to my offeece.
I say ok ok ok just let me finish the game. BUT HE DOESN’T.

He starts yelling in front of everybody in the offeece and he says: YOU’RE FIRED.

I feel so humiliated. I started collecting my stuff from my cupicaal. I collect all my Bourjois makeup, all my Givenchy perfumes, all the photos de les modelles from my cupe and I put them all in my Prada purse. I then luke at him and say : you can not fire me. I QUIT.”

Me: “oh ok Monique, but I’m sorry we will have to pass on your resume. I’m really sorry”.

Monique: “No no S’ll vous plait, you should hire me. I’m a multi task person. I can do two things in the same time”.

Me: “Oh really!! How is that?”

Monique: “When I was working at Piere’s beauty salon, I used to apply the manicure on the nails of the customers and tell them how it looks beautiful IN THE SAME TIME”.

Me: “Ok sounds great, but still we can not send your resume to the client”.

Monique: “S’ll vous plait..I need the money. I have a surgery next week”.

Me: “Ohhh Monique I’m sorry; are you ok, are you in pain”??!!

Monique: “I have been in pain for 25 years now and it’s about TIME I get a NOSE LIKE JENNIFER LOPEZ”.

Me: “Ok that’s it. I’m really sorry we will have to pass on your resume and I promise to keep it and I swear to give you a call back if I had any jobs FOR MODELS”.

And I hang up on her!

I still don’t give up.

I call someone else. She tells me she’s not interested and she hangs up on me.

Few minutes later, the phone rings……………I see her number on my phone. I pick up the phone and introduce myself and then I hear her restless voice: “This is Veronica Novoselsky I just hung up on YOoooU”.

Me: “Oh hi Veronica, how are you”?!

Veronica: “Listen, I know I told you I’m not interested, but MY HUSBAND…think we should think about it. As we need the money to feed the dogs. Yea he has a dog and I have a dog and even our dogs do not get along, still we need to share the money. So How much money are we talking about here”??

Me: “Errr…mmm it’s paying $10 per hour”.

Veronica: “WHAT?? Do you have any idea HOW MUCH THE DOG’S FOOD COST”???

Me: “No, I never had a dog, I once had a cat, but she passed away and I never had cats since then”.

Veronica: “OK, listen you CAT WOMAN. I want …11 dollars or we have no deal.”

Me: “Ok we can talk to the client”.

Veronica: “OK, so when are you going to send me the STUFF”?

Me: “What stuff”?!!!!!

Veronica: “The DRUGS… THE DESCRIPTION OF COURSE”.

ME: “Ooh…the job description ..I’m sending it right this moment. I just need you to answer a couple of questions and also need”… (interrupted)

Veronica: “wait a second…(yelling away from the phone) WHAT HONEY?! You sold the dogs?? (now addressing me) hey sorry we sold the dogs, we don’t need the job. But if we had any other dogs we will give you a call”.

Tags: Entertainment, Funny, Standup Routines

Category: Entertainment, Ramblings