History/Drama
Elizabeth: The Golden Age (2007)

Those of you interested in history genre and who enjoyed watching Elizabeth (1998), might want to check out the latest installment, Elizabeth: The Golden Age. Cate Blanchett plays Queen Elizabeth I with an impeccable class. The year is 1588 and England is at the verge of war with enemies outside and traitors within. Elizabeth fights the war as well as the battle of the heart as she falls in love with Sir Walter Raleigh. Will she win the war; does rebellious Raleigh really love her, would the fine line between allegiance and treason keep fading away? Shekhar Kapur directs another modern classic.

Action
I Am Legend (2007)

The only unacceptable thing about this movie is that it ends as soon as you would imagine it is about to begin. It leaves you unsatisfied and wanting for more. Yet, as long as it lasts, its an enjoyable movie. Will Smith, it seems, can do no wrong at the box office. He has acted terrifically and has in fact carried the entire movie on his lone shoulders. If you are a Will Smith fan, I am sure you’ve already watched it. If you haven’t; its just about time you do.

Romantic Comedy
Frankie and Johnny (1991)

I am yet to watch No Reservations so I have nothing to say on that. Lately there haven’t been any good romantic comedies. Knocked Up was a good storyline gone wrong in the script so I wouldn’t recommend that. While sifting through my pile of DVDs, I caught sight of a Pacino classic. Unlike Scent of a Woman, this one isn’t very high profiled but if you are looking for a good show all round, this is the movie for you.

Johnny (Al Pacino) is fresh out of prison and finds a job in a café where Frankie (Michelle Pfeiffer) works as a waitress. Both are loners but Frankie is on a dose of melancholy. The persistent pursuit of Johnny is a mix of comedy, irritation, tragedy and most of all, brilliant acting.

Mafia
You Kill Me (2007)

Two things to begin with: first, don’t confuse it with Lidsay Lohan’s substandard I Know Who Killed Me and second, don’t go for the name at all.

I was skeptical of this movie when I started watching it, but it turned out to be a great watch. Ben Kingsley plays a stern-faced alcoholic who is a hit-man for his Polish mob family. How he juggles his life between alcohol, AA meetings, venomous rivals and … aham aham … a love interest, is a treat to watch.

Just in case you cant get your hands on any of these movies or if you have already watched them, here are a few other recommendations:

American Gangster
The Bourne Ultimatum
Ratatouille

Enjoy your weekend.

Son: Hey dad, can I take the Camel, pleaaaaaaase??!!

Father: Nooooo, you took it yesterday and you broke his leg. It was my first racing camel YOU BLOODY IDIOT. No way you’ll lay hands on it again!

Son: Ok let me take the Donkey. I will feed him on the way.

Father: And how AM I SUPPOSED TO GO TO WORK??!!!

And then the father looks at the mother:
You spoiled the kid. He wants the donkey to show off in front of the girls.

They also think we live in tents. If that was true, we would have different kind of conversations.

“I went back tent and found it on fire, I bought new cloth and made a new tent”

One early Friday, my manager called me up and said: “Drop everything and work on this”.

So I dropped everything to work on a Data Entry job…ONE month contract with $10 per hour! Who in the world would want to take up a job for one month and with that low rate???

Anyways I start searching for resumes and calling people and …you know how people can get real sarcastic sometimes..like this British gentleman: “You have a job for me?? Oh I AM haaaaaappy”.

I tried to sound as polite as possible: “Well sir, you might be interested in my job. I will email you the job description if you are not interested you DON’T HAVE TO REPLY.”

British candidate: “Wait a second, where are you from ..cuz you sure do have an ACCENT”.

Me: “Well, I’m originally from Egypt”.

British candidate: “OKK , listen your majesty Cleopatra. You caught me in the middle of watching a football game. Now I’ll make a deal with you: if my team won, I promise to give you a call back. BUT if they lost and that’s what it looks like, I do not need a job, cuz I’ll be hunting down THOSE BLOODY IDIOTS WHO MADE THEM LOSE”.

And he hangs up on me.

I don’t give up. I call someone else, someone with the name Monique Francois. I go over her resume and see that she worked a job for only two weeks. I wanted to make sure she left on good terms.

“Hey Monique, what happened in that job. It’s only two weeks”.

Monique: “Yes, it’s the misteek of the manager”.

Me: “oh really, what happened, can you tell me”.

Monique: “Yes, he’s … mm what’s the word… yea NOT professionaaal. He would come to my cupicaal and I expect him to say something nice like Monique you look beautifooll, your perfume is nice. BUT HE DOESN’T. He stands there looking at my monitor, then looking at me and says: What is that?? This is not acceptable. Come to my offeece.
I say ok ok ok just let me finish the game. BUT HE DOESN’T.

He starts yelling in front of everybody in the offeece and he says: YOU’RE FIRED.

I feel so humiliated. I started collecting my stuff from my cupicaal. I collect all my Bourjois makeup, all my Givenchy perfumes, all the photos de les modelles from my cupe and I put them all in my Prada purse. I then luke at him and say : you can not fire me. I QUIT.”

Me: “oh ok Monique, but I’m sorry we will have to pass on your resume. I’m really sorry”.

Monique: “No no S’ll vous plait, you should hire me. I’m a multi task person. I can do two things in the same time”.

Me: “Oh really!! How is that?”

Monique: “When I was working at Piere’s beauty salon, I used to apply the manicure on the nails of the customers and tell them how it looks beautiful IN THE SAME TIME”.

Me: “Ok sounds great, but still we can not send your resume to the client”.

Monique: “S’ll vous plait..I need the money. I have a surgery next week”.

Me: “Ohhh Monique I’m sorry; are you ok, are you in pain”??!!

Monique: “I have been in pain for 25 years now and it’s about TIME I get a NOSE LIKE JENNIFER LOPEZ”.

Me: “Ok that’s it. I’m really sorry we will have to pass on your resume and I promise to keep it and I swear to give you a call back if I had any jobs FOR MODELS”.

And I hang up on her!

I still don’t give up.

I call someone else. She tells me she’s not interested and she hangs up on me.

Few minutes later, the phone rings……………I see her number on my phone. I pick up the phone and introduce myself and then I hear her restless voice: “This is Veronica Novoselsky I just hung up on YOoooU”.

Me: “Oh hi Veronica, how are you”?!

Veronica: “Listen, I know I told you I’m not interested, but MY HUSBAND…think we should think about it. As we need the money to feed the dogs. Yea he has a dog and I have a dog and even our dogs do not get along, still we need to share the money. So How much money are we talking about here”??

Me: “Errr…mmm it’s paying $10 per hour”.

Veronica: “WHAT?? Do you have any idea HOW MUCH THE DOG’S FOOD COST”???

Me: “No, I never had a dog, I once had a cat, but she passed away and I never had cats since then”.

Veronica: “OK, listen you CAT WOMAN. I want …11 dollars or we have no deal.”

Me: “Ok we can talk to the client”.

Veronica: “OK, so when are you going to send me the STUFF”?

Me: “What stuff”?!!!!!

Veronica: “The DRUGS… THE DESCRIPTION OF COURSE”.

ME: “Ooh…the job description ..I’m sending it right this moment. I just need you to answer a couple of questions and also need”… (interrupted)

Veronica: “wait a second…(yelling away from the phone) WHAT HONEY?! You sold the dogs?? (now addressing me) hey sorry we sold the dogs, we don’t need the job. But if we had any other dogs we will give you a call”.

Personally I don’t think I’m short!! Well, Ok… Not that short, but when ONE OUT OF TWO PEOPLE YOU MEET tells you, you are short. You tend to think: ok I’m short (with a sob)

To tell you the truth, I don’t like it! And I don’t like people talking to me and lowering their head down to hear me. My friends keep taunting me about it: Hey Shorty!! Why don’t you come here and jump a little…Let’s see how high you will go!

Not only my friends, but also my family keeps torturing me about it. My dad introduces me to people: this is my girl, she will never “grow up”. My mom likes it because people think she’s young: her girl is still in high school or something. Even my aunts give me hard time about it. One day I was having lunch with one of my aunts and my cousins when she started talking about marriage then looked at me and said: wanna get married, GET SOME HIGH HEELS! I said: Aunt, I don’t like high heels, and I don’t care if people think I’m SHORT. She then pulled my plate away and said: OK stop eating, we don’t need you to be FAT too!!!

Then one of my cousins THANKFULLY tried to change the subject: Hey Marwa how’s that Chinese course going? I said: oh it’s going fine, I have an exam next week. Then my aunt turned her chair towards me and bended forward, looking at me with contempt and said: Why the hell are you learning Chinese? Are YOU going to China??!! I said: well, may beee, I don’t know, Christopher Columbus never knew he’d go to AMERICAAAA.

She then settled back in her chair and looked at me with a sly smile and said: Ok may be you should go….you’d mingle easily there with people as short as you are. I said calmly: Come on aunt, what’s wrong with me learning something NEW. She said: then consider learning being a girl and get some high heels.

When it was time for me to go home and as I turned towards the door she called one of her little kids: Hey Ahmad, go unlatch the door for your cousin, she won’t be able to reach it.

I yelled: AUNT, come on, I am not that short and I CAN reach that damn door latch. She looked at me with the same sly smile, rolled her eyes and said: YEEAAAAaaaAAA…on tiptoes!!!

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[Joey comes out from his room wearing ridiculous clothes. He has to look nineteen for an audition]
Joey: ‘Sup? ‘Sup, dude?
Chandler: [putting his hands up] Take whatever you want, just please don’t hurt me.
Joey: So, you’re playing a little Playstation, huh? That’s whack. Playstation is whack. ‘Sup with the whack Playstation, ’sup? Huh? Come on, am I nineteen or what?
Chandler: Yes, on a scale from one to ten, ten being the dumbest a person can look, you are definitely nineteen.

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[after Monica gets a disastrous haircut]
Ross: How’s Monica?
Phoebe: She’s calmed down a bit. I put a clip on one side, which seems to have stopped the curling.
Ross: How’s the hair?
Phoebe: I’m not gonna lie to you Ross. It doesn’t look good.
Joey: Can we see her?
Phoebe: No, your hair looks too good. I think it would only upset her.
Rachel: Oh.
Phoebe: Ross, you can go on in.

————————————————————————————————————————————-
Ross: Chandler entered a Vanilla Ice look-alike contest and *won*!
Chandler: Ross came fourth and cried!

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Monica: Guys can fake it? Unbelievable! The one thing that’s ours!

————————————————————————————————————————————-
Ross: We were on a break!
Chandler: Oh, my God! If you say that one more time, I’m going to break up with you!

————————————————————————————————————————————-
Ross: What are you doing tonight?
Chandler: Why, do you have a lecture?
Ross: No.
Chandler: Free as a bird, what’s up?

————————————————————————————————————————————-
Chandler: I can handle this. “Handle” is my middle name. Actually, “handle” is the middle of my first name.

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Monica: You can’t fire me. I make your decisions and I say, “I’m not fired.” Ha.

————————————————————————————————————————————-
Monica: My motto is get out before they go down.
Joey: That is so not my motto.

————————————————————————————————————————————-
Chandler: [to Joey who’s removing his tie] Would you put that back on? Monica’s gonna be here any minute.
Joey: But it hurts my Joey’s Apple.
Chandler: [frustrated] Okay, for the last time. It’s not named for each individual man.

————————————————————————————————————————————-
[after catching Ross kissing Chandler’s mother in front of the male bathroom]
Joey: I’ll just go pee in the street.

————————————————————————————————————————————-
Phoebe: No, huh uh, no way, I’m sorry, not gonna happen.
Chandler: Whoa, whoa, prom night flashback.

————————————————————————————————————————————-
Rachel: Hey, you guys wanna go see a movie?
Ross: Yeah, sure.
Rachel: How about you, Phoebe?
Phoebe: No, thanks, I’ve already seen one.

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[Joey has packed an emergency kit with food, Mad-Libs and condoms]
Chandler: Condoms?
Joey: We don’t know how long we’re gonna be stuck here. We might have to repopulate the world.
Chandler: And condoms are the way to do that?

————————————————————————————————————————————-
Monica: Whoa. Where you going in those pants? 1982?

————————————————————————————————————————————-
[In response to one of Joey’s stupid comments]
Chandler: How do you not fall down more often?

————————————————————————————————————————————-
Joey: Why do you have to break up with her? Be a man. Just stop calling.

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Joey: Hey Ross. If homo sapiens were in fact “homo sapiens”, could that be why they’re extinct?
Ross: Joey, homo sapiens are people.
Joey: Hey! I’m not judging here.

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Ross: Wanna hear something weird?
Phoebe: Always.

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[Rachel complaining about her father]
Rachel: Oh, it was horrible. He called me “young lady”.
Chandler: Ugh, I hate when my father calls me that.

————————————————————————————————————————————-
Joey: Pheebs, you wanna help?
Phoebe: Oh, I wish I could, but I really don’t want to.

————————————————————————————————————————————-
Ross: You know what? I’d better pass on the game. I’m just gonna go home and think about my ex-wife and her lesbian lover.
Joey: The hell with hockey. Let’s all do that.

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Rachel: Oh my God. I’ve become my father. I’ve been trying so hard not to become my mother, I didn’t see this coming.

————————————————————————————————————————————-
Rachel: See? Unisex.
Joey: Maybe *you* need sex. I just had it a few days ago.
Rachel: No, Joey, U-N-I-sex.
Joey: I wouldn’t say no to that.

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Ross: I’m sorry your husband cheated on you.
Rachel: I’m sorry your wife is gay.

————————————————————————————————————————————-
Rachel: [walking out of the bathroom] Mon, I’m gonna check my messages.
Chandler: And you thought of that in there?
Monica: Well, nature called and she wanted to see who else did.

————————————————————————————————————————————-
Joey: Rach, you gotta find out if he’s in the same place you are. Otherwise, it’s just a moo point.
Rachel: A moo point?
Joey: Yeah. It’s like a cow’s opinion. It just doesn’t matter. It’s moo.
Rachel: Have I been living with him too long or did that all just make sense?

————————————————————————————————————————————-
Rachel: Are you sure that on some level you don’t want to take off my bra?
Joey: I don’t have another level!

————————————————————————————————————————————-
Joey: But I-I-I can’t stay too long, I gotta get up early for a commercial audition tomorrow and I gotta look good. I’m supposed to be playing a 19-year-old.
[Everyone stops in their tracks upon hearing this]
Chandler: So when you said, “Get up early, ” did you mean 1986?

————————————————————————————————————————————-
Joey: [drinking a beer on the boat] Look at this clown. Just because he’s got a bigger boat he thinks he can take up the whole river.
[yelling]
Joey: Get out of the way jackass.
[to Rachel]
Joey: Who names his boat Coast Guard anyway?
Rachel: That is the Coast Guard.

————————————————————————————————————————————-
Phoebe: Hey, can we turn on the TV? I think it’s raining outside.

————————————————————————————————————————————-
Phoebe: Come on Ross, you’re a paleontologist, dig a little deeper.

————————————————————————————————————————————-
Monica: You broke a little girl’s leg?
Ross: I know. I feel horrible. Okay.
Chandler: [reading the paper] Says here that a Muppet got whacked on Sesame Street last night.
[to Ross]
Chandler: Where exactly were you around ten-ish?

————————————————————————————————————————————-
Chandler: I am an excellent secret keeper. I have kept all of out secrets.
Joey: What secrets?
Chandler: Oh no-no, Joey, I am not going to tell you because I am an excellent secret keeper.
[the girls walk away]
Joey: You’ll tell me later?
Chandler: You already know.

————————————————————————————————————————————-
Rachel: How long do you think, should a girl wait if a guy just broke up with his girlfriend?
Phoebe: A month.
Monica: Really? I’d say two or three.
Joey: Half hour.
Rachel: Interesting.

————————————————————————————————————————————-
[Rachel doesn’t take his advice]
Joey: Fine. No one ever listens to me. If the package is this pretty, no one cares what’s inside.

————————————————————————————————————————————-
[after hearing about Chandlers breakup with Janice]
Phoebe: Where’s Chandler?
Joey: He’s grieving.
[We see Chandler running outside]
Chandler: I’M FREE. I AM FREE.

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Monica: I think I’d be great in a war. I’d, like, get all the medals.
Chandler: Before or after you’re executed by your own troops?

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[On living alone]
Joey: I thought it’d be great, you know? have some time alone with my thoughts… turns out, I don’t have as many thoughts as you’d think.

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Phoebe: Look, I had a hard life. My mother was killed by a drug dealer.
Monica: Phoebe, your mom killed herself.
Phoebe: She was a drug dealer.

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Chandler: I’m not so good with the advice… Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

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Rachel: I don’t want my baby’s first words to be “How You Doing”

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[Joey and Chandler are trying to break into a closet]
Joey: Do you have a bobby pin?
Chandler: Wait.
[runs hands through hair]
Chandler: Oh, that’s right. I’m NOT an eight year-old girl.
Joey: Really? Then why do you throw like one?

————————————————————————————————————————————-
Rachel: I’m not someone who goes after a guy five minutes after he’s divorced.
Monica: No, you go after them five minutes before they get married…

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[Chandler and Joey are being lazy in new recliners, and Chandler ordered pizza to be delivered to Monica’s]
Chandler: Pizza’s on the way. I told you we wouldn’t have to get up.
Joey: What if we have to pee?
[pause]
Chandler: I’ll cancel the sodas…

————————————————————————————————————————————-
Joey: There’s no juice for the people who need the juice and want the juice and I need the juice.

————————————————————————————————————————————-
Rachel: I’ve never been to an analyst!
Phoebe: And it shows.

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Joey: Ross, have you ever been beaten up before?
Ross: Yeah, sure.
Joey: By someone besides Monica?

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Rachel: Ok, Joey, we’ll do it one more time. Don’t forget the rules -heads I win, tails you lose.
Joey: Just flip the coin!

————————————————————————————————————————————-
Phoebe: [Pulls out Monica’s old bathing suit] Hey Monica what’s this?
Monica: Oh, that’s my old bathing suit from high school… I was bigger then…
Chandler: Really… I thought that’s what they used to cover Connecticutt when it rained…

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Chandler: And by the way, Count Rushmore doesn’t exist.
Joey: Oh yeah? Then who’s the guy who painted all the faces on the mountain?

————————————————————————————————————————————-
Janice: It’s a small world after all.
Chandler: Yeah. And I still don’t get bumped into Beyonce!

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[Monica tells the others that she and Chandler won’t have any more sex before the wedding]
Ross: A no sex pact! I have one of those with every woman in America!

————————————————————————————————————————————-
Monica: I’ll never have a first kiss again.
Phoebe: You’ll have a last kiss.

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Joey: How come we don’t have jam at our place?
Chandler: Because the kids need shoes.

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Ross: You guys won’t believe what I have to do for work today!
Chandler: Yes, but Ross you chose a career of talking about dinosaurs.

————————————————————————————————————————————-
Ross: I think it’ll be a boy.
Phoebe: I think it’ll be a girl.
Ross: Phoebe, you thought Ben would be a girl.
Phoebe: Have you seen him throw a ball?

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Ross: The door’s closed! I can’t see anything with the door closed!
Chandler: And the inventor of the door rests happily in his grave.

————————————————————————————————————————————-
[repeated line]
Joey Tribbiani: How you doin’?