Ticket for Jhelum, Please…
No.
No?
No…no ticket for Jhelum.
Why not?
Not possible for ticket to Jhelum.
But the ‘Pindi bus, it goes thro Jhelum.
Not possible.
But it does go thro Jhelum, look, on the map in your brochure, Jhelum.
No, not possible.
Why is it not possible if your bus goes thro the bloody place?
Because of ladies.
Ladies?
Yes, not possible because of ladies.
What is the ladies problem?
The men, the men getting on the bus, these are the ladies problem.
What men?
With no tickets only for the ladies on the bus and tea.
You mean the men who want to see the hostess ladies?
Yes, these men. So no stop at Jhelum.
But there are already men on the bus…
I don’t understand you…not possible for Jhelum ticket.
How about if I go to Lahore and change for Jhelum from there?
OK, I will ask the Manager.
No, not possible.
Not possible to get a ticket for Jhelum or a ticket for Lahore to change?
Not at all possible. Ticketing problem.
But you have a computer ticketing service.
Ah yes, but the system is down today. Saturday, you see.
The system is always down on Saturdays?
…hmmmm…usually.
So where could I get a bus that goes to Jhelum?
At bus station.
Any bus station? Any one in Bahawalpur?
No…only one.
So which one?
I am not sure.
Not sure?
…hmmmm…maybe by Farid Gate there is bus station for Jhelum.
There is no bus station at Farid Gate, only rickshaw stand…
…ahhh…yes you are right. Maybe further up road…
But you think that is where I can get Jhelum bus, maybe?
…hmmm…maybe…maybe not…
Thank you.
No problem Sir.
Sargodha?
No, Jhelum. Jhelum…near ‘Pindi.
You want bus for ‘Pindi?
No Jhelum.
…ahhh! Jhelum! Yes, over there…Niazi travels…they bus go Jhelum.
Thank you.
No problem.
Jhelum? Hmmmm…maybe.
C’mon, you must know if you have a bus to Jhelum.
Yes, Sir, we do.
OK I want to go on Monday, at what time does it leave?
Maybe you don’t want to go to Jhelum, sir.
Yes, I do, I want to go to Jhelum.
There are no tickets, sorry Sir.
You are fully booked for Monday and today is Saturday?
No Sir, not book full but no tickets.
Why?
Problems…many problems.
Like what? All I want is to go to Jhelum, what is the problem with that?
Road is problem, Sir.
Road? Problem? How is road problem?
Very bad Sir. You would not like it.
What sort of bad? Bumpy? Bumpy no problem for me.
No Sir, very bad road. Not bumpy. Very good road to Jhelum.
Not bumpy bad road?
Very bad. Train is better.
Train?
Yes train.
Why is train better?
Because then there is no bad road and you are happy.
I will be very happy if you sell me a ticket to Jhelum…
Very problem Sir…
…ahhh…is problem dacoo? (1)
Sometimes Sir, and very problem for goras. (2)
Always dacoo this road?
…hmmm…sometimes…
…so better get train?
…yes Sir, better train.
Thank you.
No problem sir.
So which train is best to get for Jhelum?
Not possible.
But the Rohi and the Awam expresses go to Jhelum…it says so here.
Yes they do but not possible. Booked.
How do you know they are booked?
Maybe they are booked.
But you don’t know if they are booked?
…maybe…
So tell me the times of trains to Jhelum.
They are in the night.
At what time they leave Bahawalpur? And is there a sleeper coach?
No Sir, no sleeper, only a/c lower.
Any Parlour class?
No.
So only hard?
Yes.
So at what time and how long it takes to Jhelum?
Very very long.
How long?
Many hours. Many.
So how many? And what time it leave Bahawalpur?
Maybe twelve.
Twelve hours travelling or it leaves at twelve?
Yes.
At what time it leaves?
…hmmm…9.30.
At night?
Yes.
So can I have a ticket for Monday?
No.
No?
No. This only enquiry this wallah along he tickets.
Hello. Ticket for Jhelum on Monday, a/c lower please. Awam Express.
Hmmmmm…maybe…hmmm…no. Booked.
What…all booked?
All booked.
There are 68 seats in a/c lower coach and they are all booked on Monday?
Yes, all booked. Maybe you go later?
No I want to go on Monday…or maybe Sunday. Any chance Sunday?
…hmmm…no…all booked.
Any other train go to Jhelum?
No, only Awam. Maybe you go by coach. Try Daewoo.
Thank you, I was there this morning, and they do not stop at Jhelum.
Hmmm…very problem sir. Go to ‘Pindi, then Jhelum bus.
But ‘Pindi is 70 miles on from Jhelum…
Hmmm…
Thank you.
No problem, Sir.
Ticket for ‘Pindi please, Sunday evening.
But we do not stop at Jhelum, this Manager he explain you.
That’s OK, just a ticket for ‘Pindi.
But you want to go to Jhelum…
That’s right.
So why you want ticket for ‘Pindi? Train goes Jhelum. Niazi go Jhelum.
Train booked, Niazi say dacoo…maybe…
…ahhh…yes…dacoo on that road, this why we have armed guards on bus.
So why not go another route with no dacoo?
No Sir, this very good road through Jhelum, very fast.
I see…any chance of a ‘Pindi ticket for Sunday night?
Are you sure Sir, we not go Jhelum…
Just give me a ‘Pindi ticket.
Certainly Sir, that will be 550 rupees seat number sixteen, leave 9 p.m.
Thank you.
No problem, Sir.
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1. Dacoo = Highway Robbers
2. Goras = Pale Faces
Category: Articles, Featured Articles, Travelogues
One persistant Gora, I must say!:)
It was just too funny and interesting. Too bad for our desi gora sahib.
I have been through all this and a lot more so many times.
And by the way,I might be wrong but as per my understanding, the word ‘gora’ is usually used to refer to any westerner with blonde hair and fair complexion, although originally the term came into being probably with the arrival of East Indian Company’s ‘goras’ to United India.